You Can't Handle the Stupid: Mangled Poetry (Merry Christmas!)

loosely based upon (stolen from) Clement Clarke Moore's "Twas the Night Before Christmas".

'Twas the night before Christmas, in the depths of the house
A strange creature was stealing the plump christmas grouse.
The fat bird was thrust in a sack with care,
In the hope that it wouldn't be noticed in there.

The creature then opened the sweet-storing sheds,
Tossing boxes of chocolates into the threads.
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Heard not a whisper, in our long winter’s nap.

When below in the house there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Out through the door I flew like a flash,
I ran down the steps, only to fall with a crash.

For you see, the creature, for fear of the snow
Had been trying to steal our snow-plow below.
When no way to open the garage would appear,
The creature knocked it over--using eight tiny reindeer!

Taken from a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
More rapid than eagles his curses they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
Stop, Comet! Stop, Cupid! Stop, Donner and Blitzen!
Help not that stranger topple the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As the creature snapped reins, and urged them to fly,
The reindeer paid no attention to the guy.
So on to the garage door, the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Toys, and poor St Nicholas too.

And then, of a sudden, came a sound cold and aloof
The pounding and stepping of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the garage came, with an awful loud sound.

And there was St. Nick, from his head to his foot,
Covered by a layer of ashes and soot.
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
Was so shredded and broken it looked not like a sack.

His eyes--how they flamed! his fury: hail-mary!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn tight like a bow,
And the beard, under soot, was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook as he swore, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right furious old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word to me, but went straight to his work,
And gave the creature to know, he was a right-nasty jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
Up the chimney, the creature rose!

He shrieked and clawed, but with a low, dejected whistle,
Away the monster flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he drove out of sight,
"Crappy Christmas to all, and to all a good-fright!"

Scouting the Flames: December

People need to stop thinking trading Bouwmeester is a good idea.  Right now.

Poor Mikael Backlund has been the victim of some atrocious luck.  The team only scores on roughly 4-5% of its shots while he's on the ice.  To put that in perspective, the NHL average is something like 8%.

Derek Smith seems to really have something when he has a decent d-partner (in other words, not Babchuk).  That said, he isn't a top 4 defenseman, and the Flames need Giordano back in spite of the implication where T.J. Brodie is concerned.

The Flames can't seem to find a bottom pair dman to play with Brodie.  On that note, I believe Joe Piskula is still on the team.  What's up with that?

Chris Butler's play has slipped somewhat recently, though he showed some signs of life the other night against Florida.

Leland Irving!!! that is all.

Roman Horak has been warming the bench a lot lately in light of the play of Brendan Morrison.  I wonder how BMo's direct promotion to the 2nd line affects Matt Stajan.

In spite of the stigma, Stajan has been not awful.  In fact, there have been many games where, if not for the play of Backlund, I would have liked Stajan to get more ice time.  Oh well.

And now, for the Flames' 3 stars so far this season:

1. Miikka Kiprusoff -- Duh.  I mean, really, who needs this explained?
2. Olli Jokinen -- With the possible exception of Backlund (it would be him if not for the paltry 3 points) Olli has been by far the Flames' most consistent forward--perhaps the most consistent performer other than Kiprusoff.
3. Jay Bouwmeester -- You had to see this coming. Really, his importance to this team can't be over-stated.

The System

Abbotsford

In spite of the calling up of Irving, Joni Ortio hasn't played a minute of hockey since November, and has started exactly 1 game.  I understand the desire to win (and, Ortio's numbers so far don't really inspire confidence) but the Flames have a vested interest in the way Joni's development goes... not so much for this Danny Taylor guy, or whatever his name is.  He's getting the starts, but every game he plays is lost development time that would be better spent on the goalie the Flames actually drafted, especially since Taylor will likely be gone after this season anyway.  This is really the only decision of Troy Ward's (other than Russ Sinkewich's inclusion on the roster in lieu of James Martin) that has bothered me.  The Heat are a good team, they can afford to have their goalie flounder for a few games to find his legs.  And when he (Ortio) does, he's more talented than Taylor anyway.  It will end up benefiting the team over time.  \rant.

By the way, the Abbotsford Heat have won 6 straight games (actually, as of the writing of this sentence, that streak has been stopped by an overtime loss to the Hamilton Bulldogs), in spite of a) the loss of their best goalie and b) the sudden disappearance of Greg Nemisz's scoring touch (without a point in 6 games, 7 if one includes his cup of coffee with the Flames (2 Heat games) which brings the grand total to 8 AHL games without a point from Nemisz).

**Stupid re-alignment** The Heat are 3rd in the "West Division".  By some astonishing twist of fate, that makes them 3rd in the entire AHL as well.

Elsewhere

Unsurprisingly, Max Reinhart and Michael Ferland did not make the Canadian Junior squad.  However, the signs are looking increasingly good for a player I had initially written off.  Because of an injury to Rocco Grimaldi and the surprising (and ill-advised) unclusion of Jarred Knight by the United States, Johnny Gaudreau of the Boston College Eagles actually looks like he just might make the American team.  In order to make the roster, Gaudreau has to beat a mere 4 players.  Those 4 are Josh Archibald, Connor Brickley, Austin Czarnik, and Austin Watson, with a reasonably good chance at beating Kenny Agostino as well.  I'm not saying Gaudreau is a lock, but his chances went from 0 to about 53%, especially considering how much more talented he is than any of those others.  He is, however, quite small.  Even so, his chances are much better than I thought.

The Flames, though, are guaranteed no less than 3 prospects in the world Juniors.  They are Sven Baertschi (Switzerland), Markus Granlund (Finland), and Bill Arnold (United States).  Oh snap, who called it? Go me.

Patrick Holland has hit a hot streak (about time).  John Ramage has no points since my last post, and has accrued a staggeringly bad -11 rating.  I know +/- is mostly a garbage stat, and he plays for a pretty bad team, but come on.  He's a much better player than that putrid rating.

Nothing else of note is going on.

And now, to watch the Flames flail it out against the Blackhawks.

1000 Words: A Limited 1 Time Offer...

A new Christmas album from Rob Zombie, featuring such timeless classics as "Wreck the Halls" and "Silent Fright" for your holiday enjoyment.  This is a limited time offer only, so place your orders now.










Wouldn't it be great if Zombie actually did a Christmas album?

Prospecting: Leland Irving / Michael Ferland

There's been some activity on the prospect front for the Flames this season... when was the last time there's been this much?

First (of the most recent) of all, Leland Irving was called up to replace the injured Calgary Tower.  It's unlikely he'll get any playing time at all unless Kiprusoff gets hurt (and because of this, Karlsson's injury is actually better for Joni Ortio than it is for Irving).  We can hope, though, for a Corey Crawford type breakout.

Second, LW Michael Ferland was signed to an ELC late yesterday.  Details here.  This makes him the 2nd player from the Flames impressive 2010 draft class signed to a contract (the first was C Max Reinhart). 

LELAND IRVING, G

BORN: April 11, 1988
HOMETOWN: Swan Hills AB, Canada
HEIGHT: 6'0"
WEIGHT: 176 pounds
DRAFTED: 1st round, 26th
ACQUIRED: 2006 draft (1st selection)

Irving is what you might call a "meat and potatoes" goaltender.  His style is not dissimilar to that of Carey Price, in that it relies on impeccable positioning and makes every save look routine--this to the point of making Irving very boring to watch when he's on his game.  Now before anyone starts crying foul on the Price comparison, I'll just say right now that Irving isn't nearly as talented as Price.  Irving is a technical goaltender who, when on his game, is very hard to beat because he's always in position.

Therein lies the problem.  "When on his game." Irving's main issue is consistency.  He'll have stretches--such as the one that had him named AHL goaltender of the week--where he stops 95% of the shots he faces.  He'll have other lengthy stretches where his sv% is closer to 85%.  Thankfully though, these dry spells have become less and less extended over the course of his development path.  Irving also has a rather small frame, and thus doesn't cover much of the net.  This can cause problems on wider shots, especially when his positioning is a little off, because he doesn't quite have the reflexes of a more talented goalie such as Joni Ortio.

All that said, Irving is certainly the best of the 3 goalies the Flames currently have outside the NHL (Irving, Ortio, and Laurent Brossoit), and he has the upside to be a decent intermittent starter (a 1A if you will) like Dwayne Roloson or  Jean-Sebastian Giguere.  Of course, he could be a total bust, as well.  The only way to really tell is if he plays an NHL game or 2.

MICHAEL FERLAND, LW

BORN: April 20, 1992
HOMETOWN: Swan River MB, Canada
HEIGHT: 6'2"
WEIGHT: 208 pounds
DRAFTED: 5th round, 133rd
ACQUIRED: 2010 draft (5th selection)

Ferland has put up some nice numbers for the Brandon Wheat Kings so far this season.  The fine statistics (as well as his gritty playing style) have earned him an invite to Canada's WJC selection camp.  Though it should be noted that Ferland possesses fairly soft hands, especially for a player who uses them so frequently for fighting, it is Ferland's grinding physical game that drives his value--as well as his pest-ish qualities.  If he makes team Canada, it will be because they want to bring in a physical, agitating element to replace that of the departed Stefan Della Rovere and Zack Kassian.  I could see Ferland as a 4th line winger on the team, but honestly I don't think his chances of making it are all that great.  On top of an advanced physical game and some good hands, Ferland also has a fairly good shot, and a decent passing game.

While his stats, especially this season, look quite impressive, it should be noted that he's been playing on a line with Senators prospect Mark Stone, who's been something of a point factory this season.  Ferland has cooled off mightily of late, as well.  Ferland also has a habit of taking stupid penalties, though that seems to have abated somewhat with his increased scoring role.

His counting numbers in the WHL have given some Flames fans hope that Ferland might become a 2nd line forward.  I doubt that, myself, as I see him more as a grinding 4th liner who can play a regular shift, and might see time on a powerplay because of his net-presence.  He could become a 3rd liner though, provided his defensive game improves accordingly.  There seems to be a fair bit of Brandon Prust in his game, and if that comparison is apt, signing Ferland couldn't be a bad thing for the Flames.